Review of Bad Effects of the Smartphone

My friend Victor wrote this interesting topic, because people usually think Smartphone is fine and benefic. But the author has some different opinions in the essay. It really attract my attention in I say you say web.

 In the introductory paragraph, the author briefly shows about the benefit of the Internet service on the Smartphone. The text message we send is free now. “However” is a good transition word to help reader turn to another point of view in this essay. The author use a very precise vocabulary “convenient” to describe the life when we have smart phone, but at the last sentence in the introductory paragraph, the author show his negative opinion and this is the theses statement. I see some words sticking together such as hasbecome, thepersonal, and forfree. I also find a grammatical problem in the sentence. It is the SVA, subject verb agreement, in the sentence, “it also brings some negative effects.”

    In the first paragraph, the topic sentence is “people may become addicted to their cell phone.” In my opinion, “addicted” is a nice adjective vocabulary to describe people crazy about the Smartphone. The author uses a quotation, which is a research report of a famous university. The good point of the quotation is that it shows numbers of percentage, as numbers are persuasive in a research report. I see some words getting together such as universityannounced and reportshowing. The organization of the first paragraph is simple and clear to use a persuasive quotation to convince people.

    In the second paragraph, the topic sentence is “children don’t play with others but only keep using the Smartphone.” The author uses conjunction word “because” to explain to us how the children influence by the Smartphone. In the end of second paragraph, the author warns the children who play games too much will not only hurt eyes but also lose social capability. I see some words getting together such as todownload and thesmartphone.

    In the third paragraph, the topic sentence is “the Smartphone may intervene the communication between people.” The author use a good vocabulary “intervene” to describe the communication between is interrupted by Smartphone. And the “intervene” is also the core of third paragraph. The author takes himself for example. He put a story about how a group of friends was intervened by the Smartphone. Eventually, in third paragraph, the author tells us his broken-hearted mood. I find some words getting together such as offriends and thatthey.

    In the conclusion paragraph, this paragraph of organization is a little bit strange. I think “it is not polite...learn effectively in class” is the fourth paragraph. And the conclusion paragraph is “It is true…be replaced by the Smartphone. In the fourth paragraph, the topic sentence is “it’s not polite when we use the Smartphone in some official occasions.” The author also gives us a story to support his idea. Students cannot learn effectively in class, when they using the Smartphone. I find some words getting together such as thesmartphonewhen, lecturingis, affectionscan, and thesmartphone. In the real conclusion paragraph, the author thinks the Smartphone bring us extremely convenient life, but why not we put down our Smartphone to be with our friends, family, and even our love. I am glad to have the same belief with author, Victor.  

547, (1267/2000) Willy 2013.06.14